The Things That Matter...?
Saturday, September 05, 2026
Who Does J0E really want for president? Part 'Missing In Return' |
Updating this thing for no reason. Kinda do *everything* for no reason, at this point.
Most things have been going, whatever.
Haven't done music in a long, long while. Have barely even played at all, even at home alone, in the past few years. It just makes me feel drained and depressed. The last thing I even did with a band was play a rhythm guitar on the song "One Headlight", for a band I wasn't even in, they just needed somebody to fill in for a show, not even a "show" since they only played one song. I "auditioned" for a cruddy metal band but even though they liked the playing, I was "just a bit too old", they *were* all pretty young, so yeah, I didn't think I was going to fit in, and I didn't. Way before that, can't even remember which year at this point, mayyybe 2012(?), I was very briefly in the band Out Loud, we did some recordings and played a single show, a battle of the bands, which I am intrinsically against, but hey, it was a gig. And, we won. We won some kind of free dinner I didn't even go to! Hahaha! Recorded the bassline for the would-be single "Too Long", but I was *replaced* in the video with a younger guy! You can't make this shit up! The other dudes in the band were my age or older anyway, which just makes the whole thing even funnier, to me. The lead singer pretty much got chased off the internet for like, attacking a mentally challenged guy or something, the video somehow went viral, and I totally missed all of it. He took down everything, even his old solo stuff, which is annoying, I'd at least like *some* record of the stuff we recorded, *somewhere*.
I barely leave my house anymore, even for me, it's gotten worse. Don't want to, don't much *need* to, most of the time.
Still with the wife, which is the only good thing, she's pretty much the only "good thing" I've ever had, at any point. She's basically my everything, moreso than ever before.
JJ is still out there somewhere, I'm pretty sure she got married or something? She had like, a decorating business, somebody sent me a link a long time ago, I can't even remember who it was? They like, got in contact with me randomly and were like, "Bustakap, *you're* still alive?" and yadda yadda, but somewhere in there they were like, "Remember that JJ girl you always talked to?" with a link to an interview with her. I don't want to dox her on this thing because I'm certain the people who might see this or potential still somehow check in to this page on the off chance I update it, are *weirdos*, because *I*, am a weirdo! She was right though, all those many moons ago, "Someday we won't even talk anymore and my memories of you will barely exist", she told me. I told her, "Despite any of that, *I* will never forget you", because I'm not usually a guy who forgets people I interact with. Execept of course for forgetting who it even was who informed me of her then-current activities, which even then, *that* itself was probably, like, ten years ago? Maybe closer, but it was a long time ago, anyway. I still am in contact with Lucyfer, she's also married, *three-way married* at that, married to two other people, and they have, at least one kid, I don't know if they have more, I'm really bad with kids, but I think they, don't? I think me and Lucy talking so much definitely put-off JJ back in the day, but I was too, *magoo* to notice any of that, back then. I go back sometimes and read my old writing and holy crap, I hate who I was. I still do hate who I am, but at the very least I do feel I'm a much better person, even if I'm way less personable and probably *come off* as a worse person than I did, back then. I'm just less, up my own ass about my self loathing, even though it wouldn't be apparent if you read my current bullshit. I do at least feel I'm a much better writer, I hate the style I used to have, I don't know, I bet it's hardly any different, but *I* notice a difference, and that's still something. They had a frenemy named Allana(h?) that I grew semi-close with, as well, back in the day we might have done some, camming together.
My old stomping grounds Digital Expressions.nu, got shut down, years back. I saved my diary, but then, *of fucking course*, lost it! No idea where it went! File, gone! All of those entries, all of that writing, the oral history of a punk rock legend, lost to the mists of the internet. I alternate between not caring and being depressed over it, but I do usually stay in the "not caring" lane. I comfort myself with the knowledge that the writing was awful and that the life it was an account of was an utterly unremarkable one, but it was a good place to jog my memory, and bring me back to times and places that I am losing more and more touch with, drifting further from, day by day, eventually I will struggle to even remember the site itself let alone, what I was doing in, March of 2004 or whatever. I still have 'drina on Instagram, too, she's married now, too. Not sure about kids, we just kind of follow each other on Instagram these days, not much interaction, I think the old semi-spark that might have been between us is still too awkward, I only *think* that because, *I* don't have any weird feelings, but maybe she does? Or maybe we're just so different nowadays that there's not much more to say, anymore? I don't know, I'm just trying to spitball here, and the spitball is pretty much in *her* court since *I* would still probably talk to anybody, I say this despite the fact that I pretty much talk to *nobody*, anymore. Isn't it ironic? No, probably not.
Still "in contact" with Kalyn, too, and guess what, *she's married now*, too! Also follow her husband on Instagram, seems like a cool dude. Of course, as with the others, we don't exactly interact much anymore, but I don't think it's down to weird vibes or anything, I think it's just, there's nothing to say, I guess? I don't know, I'm still not, *normal*, I never have been, but I've slid even further into, being myself, or else, who myself is has slipped even further into reclusion. I just feel like a bigger loser than I've ever felt, and it's an *accurate* feeling, considering I have more losses than I previously had, and I'm much older now, meaning I have more reasons to be succcesful than I used to and even less time to ever accomplish anything than before, and if I didn't do it then and haven't done it by now, well, it's highly unlikely I'll get it done in less time, let's put it that way.
Too ugly for videos, too verbose for the written word, too unpopular to cash in on anything. Still here, though. Still kicking around.
Bustakap, *is* still alive. ¶ 8:03 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
Item of Interest Number 'Boffo Yocks': |
Tell me what to do, cuz reading minds just kills the mood.
Saw The D-Plan last year at their Boston reunion show, had a great time. I'm fairly certain it's been longer than that since I've written in here, that's the only reason I'm even bringing it up. They played 'Fantastic!', which was just.
I have more to say, always do... ¶ 6:33 AM 0 comments
Friday, August 05, 2011
Item of Interest Number '1951':
|
So, it has been some time, I would imagine.
Today is my birthday.
So, like, it turns out I may have alienated somebody... unintentionally, for once.
Oops.
Like, sorry, and shit.
I hope to do something tonight, but I have no idea.
Casey's only working until six, so that leaves us plenty of time to screw and also do something. Or at least screw.
But that shit's just an everyday thang, knowYmean?
¶ 4:18 PM 0 comments
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Who Does J0E Really Want For President Part 'E.O.T.C.': |
Samurai Sacrifice is the band I'm in now. Not too hot on the name, but the sound will grind your mother to dust.
We've got a show on the 16th of this month, which is this Friday. I'm fucking AMPED. For real. I'm playing low-key to save some 'energy' or 'mojo' or whatever for the show, but I'm literally jittering with anticipation. For no good reason, really, but it's good to have that old time feeling back.
Reminds me, I wish when AnyCraze.com got rid of it's 'Magic: The Gathering Card Creation' section, ten years ago or what have you, they had given us users some kind of notice. I had created a lot of stuff and there were some good ideas that I'd like to have access to again. Bastards. I guess I really oughta blame WotC or Hasboro, as they're the ones who 'requested' the site be taken down via the implications of possible legal actions. Bastards.
Presently watching 'End of the Century: The Story of The Ramones'. Sick! Now I wanna sniff some glue.
Not too sure if there's anything else to say... ¶ 1:42 AM 1 comments
Friday, April 09, 2010
Item of Interest Number 'Turkish Twist': |
As he lay upon the table, increasingly unaware that the sword of Damocles drew ever closer.
I've gotten no job offers yet. It's funny but it's also lame and I feel unsure about how I feel, if I can even trust what I think I feel anymore. Maybe.
Muzak has been going well. Got a new band going. It's pretty swell. Once the recordings go live, I'll probably post some sort of link.
I don't even know how I pass the time. It's pretty boring.
MySpace Music has gotten really lame. You can no longer stream songs or entire albums, etc. Now it's '30 second clips', and even those don't work. It used to be an awesome feature. Now it's mega-lame.
There isn't a single decent music streaming site anymore. Lame. ¶ 9:18 AM 0 comments
Monday, March 22, 2010
Item of Interest Number '350125 GO!': |
So, I'd like to just take the time right here to say "Fuck LiveJournal. Fuck it right in the ear!"
...
...
Presently, I am unable to access my LiveJournal. I've kinda forgotten the password. Mostly because back when I got my LJ, the fucking password had to be 80-million characters long and contain 500-thousand numbers and all that shit. I hate when sites give you rules about your password. Fuckers. I especially can't stand when they have a 'minimum character' restriction for passwords. "Password must be at least 12 characters long" and shit like that. Who the fuck are you, website of shit, to tell me what I can and can't have as a password? I choose to take responsibility for my own word of passage, thank you. If I want it to be one character, that's my own stupid problem. It's not like that makes it any easier to figure out. Fuck, it'll make it hard, since nobody would think you'd have a one character password (unless of course they were using a machine/software, in which case it's just a matter of time, no matter how long your password is). The funniest thing, too, is that it's always completely useless sites like LiveJournal or BeSonic that force you to have a password of at least a certain length with at least a certain amount of numbers, while my bank password only has to be longer than three characters and no more than ten. Simple. And that's protecting something people actually want to have access to. Fucking funny.
So, trying to figure out the password, I keep getting fucked by the IP ban for 'failing' too many times to get the correct password. Once again, I don't think even my bank takes these kinds of precautions, and they're actually fucking useful for something.
I wrote on the message boards and even appealed to the site admins with my hideous dilemma: I can't have the password e-mailed to my account because the client that hosted the account I signed up with NO LONGER FUCKING EXISTS. All both of them did was send back to me a link to the FAQ with the standard, pre-fab fucking message saying to click the 'forgot your password?" link and retrieve it from the e-mail account I signed up to the site with. Fucking. Assholes. They never even answered any of my fucking questions. I know they're busy, but they're obviously not too busy to finger and eat their own fucking assholes all day.
I don't wish too much specific harm on too many specific people, but I sure hope whoever is responsible for running LiveJournal, and whoever was ultimately responsible for coming up with and implementing the IP ban system and the 'character minimum' password requirements, totally all get run into by a motorcycle as they try to cross a busy New York intersection. A motorcycle being driven by the asshole forum moderator of the LiveJournal message board. Then they all catch on fire. ¶ 5:51 AM 0 comments
Friday, March 19, 2010
Who Does J0E Really Want For President Part 'Triple-Deke': |
Currently 'hard at work' re-recording and uploading material onto the MySpace of my new one-man venture, M.O.P.E.D..
Haven't gotten much done, just yet.
At the same time I am hard at work creating torrents and uploading movies, in pieces, onto YouTube (and possibly as whole files onto Google Video). I haven't made any of the videos public yet because, wonder of all wonders, instead of having any complete movies, all I have are various pieces of various movies. The reason for that? Well, each individual video can only be roughly ten minutes long. To chop the videos into ten-minute chunks, I have to convert them into a format that 'iMovie' can read (seeing as pretty much all of my movies are in '.avi'), then chop them up and convert the segments into a format that YouTube accepts (since the converted files pretty much all have too large a file size). This takes a fairly long time. To get as many videos done as fast as possible, I clicked an option that converted the segments based on which ones would convert quickest. This mixed up all the files of all the movies, rather than just doing that for each individual movie file. I don't think I explained any of that properly, but whatever.
There also could be an easier way to do this. I know one for Windows, but I'm not used to Macs. It's like using Windows 95 or something with all the weird 'patchers' and 'updaters' and 'bundles' I have to constantly download just to get it to do something as simple as encode a video or open a JPEG file. Lame!
Also, have been out of work for almost a month. Fuck. It's not too comforting a feeling but it's still more fun than being at work. I don't know quite what I'm going to do about a new job. I'm not getting anxiety about it but the prospect does make me feel anxious. ¶ 3:16 AM 0 comments
